Post-partum Diaries

Music to My [daughter's] [h]ear[t]s

2011-03-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

This morning, Emma and I had to get out of the house kind of quick because the housecleaners came early, and I do not like being there while they work. I feel like I should be doing what they are doing. I know they are getting paid, and I am too hippo-like to scrub the shower or tub, but still...
ANYWAY- We headed to Starbucks (or as Emma calls it, THE Coffee Store) for my morning caffeine fix and a mish mash for Emma. Up by the register, they had the new Adele CD, which I've been meaning to purchase on Itunes. I thought, "Well, this way I can listen to it now rather than waiting until I have burned a CD or put it on my IPod..." So I bought it.
Emma and I headed back to the car with our vanilla soy late, 2 mish mashes, and CD. In the car, I quickly unwrapped "21", ejected "A Charlie Brown Christmas" from the changer, and inserted the gift to myself. The first song is "Rolling in the Deep", a catchy tune that Emma instantly started bobbing to. As we drove to a friend's house, she kept moving and grooving until song 2 came on.
She said, "Mommy, this song about Jesus?"
"Ummm... no, baby. This song is about a boy."
Quiet from the backseat...
"Mommy, this sad."
"What's sad baby?"
"Mommy, this song sad. Listen to Jesus music. Not sad."

I know it was a short conversation, but in that moment, I felt like my two year old had said so much. How much of an influence does music have on our mood or our thought process? This song was in a minor key talking about broken relationships, jealousy, and hurt. My two year old couldn't understand all of the lyrics, but she could deduct from the words she caught and the tune that something wasn't right, and it led her to feel sad. The songs my little girl wanted to listen to were about Jesus.

I put on David Crowder.
"Mommy, this Jesus music. Happy big Jesus music."
"Yes, baby. This is Jesus music."

She danced and talked happily the rest of the car ride.

I'm not saying I won't listen to my Adele CD, but when I do, and I will think of how it is effecting me and anyone else who can hear it, and I will be sure that I give equal playtime to some good "Big Jesus music".

He can come now. Maybe.

2011-03-11T12:05:00.000-08:00

Alright. So I had a doctor's appointment today. I am 36 weeks and 4 days complete (it is the 4th day of my 37th week), and my doctor gave me a green light for Ransom to come!

Here is the catch: She is not on call this week, and she is going to Chicago on Wednesday of next week.

So.... do I do everything in my power to get him to come tonight and end my discomfort but risk not going into labor tomorrow and then have the doc on call deliver? OR... do I take it easy this weekend, but try to get him to come on Monday or Tuesday, but then cross my legs until next Monday? Ay yi yi. Like I have much control over it anyway!

Basically, I am ready to have a baby. And he can come whenver he likes!

Emma is ready to have Ransom here, too. She told my tummy this morning, "Ransom, look at this!" I tried to explain that, though he can hear us, he can't see us yet. She thought that was just crazy.

Clark is probably ready for Ransom to be here so I stop my griping. I am not normally a complainer, but geez louise, this little boy has really furthered my adoption research!

Taking it easy, continued.

2011-03-01T18:20:00.000-08:00

I am having difficulty starting this post. My mind is torn between typing and watching my stomach bounce from side to side in a very uncomfortable manner. Note to self: Even 2 oreos is too many for the little boy in my stomach.

To update on our (mine and Ransom's) current status, we are doing well. I am supposed to be putting my feet up as much as possible, not doing much around the house, and according to my OB, "Give up potty training". I am still having frequent Braxton-Hicks contractions and occassional real contractions with constant pressure and discomfort in the lower regions of my oven. At my appointment Friday, she told me that our goal is to make it 2 more weeks before Ransom makes his grand entrance to the world. She said after this two weeks, if he comes, he comes. That will put me at 37 weeks, which is the first week of what is considered "full-term". By that point, there is very little worry about his lungs or his ability to breathe on his own.

My flesh is so selfishly ready to be done with this pregnancy. I hate that I am unable to be as active as I would like, that I have to depend on others to take care of my responsibilities while I keep my feet up. I am also having a difficult time getting comfortable when sitting or trying to sleep. I just feel ready to have my body back to myself. But then the mom instinct bumps me on the back of the head and reminds me that what is best for my baby boy is to bunk with me for at least 12 more days.

12 days. I can do that. But then I think of friends who have had pre-term labor conditions and then carry past their due date. The good Lord knows what I can handle...

So-- tomorrow I go to my OB for my 35 week check-up. (I have technically completed 35 weeks and am 3 days into my 36th week.) As of last week I was still about 50% effaced and 1cm dilated. It will be interesting to see if anything has changed or if my PBS Kids marathons have helped stop any progression. But for tonight, I am going to try to find a position in which I can sit without seeing Ransom's foot stick out of my side, and I am going to watch White Collar while cuddling with my husband... with my feet up.

Not yet, Mr. Ransom.

2011-02-10T13:05:00.000-08:00

Last night, Ransom's home decided to have earthquakes (contractions) between 12:00 and 1:30 A.M.. I was pretty frightened and wished that there was an exact instruction manual for every pregnancy, much like I wish there were one for every child. With Emma Jane, I did not have a single contraction until I had been induced, so while I was pretty sure that's what I was experiencing, I kept thinking that maybe I was wrong.
When I woke up this morning, I was just achey and blah feeling. This pregnancy has been nearly a non-event. Other than Ransom's kicks and punches and my ginormous belly, I have often forgotten that I'm pregnant. My energy level has been high, and with a 2 year old, life just keeps moving! So waking up and feeling like I did concerned me. I called my OB, and she squeezed me in.
Once I got there, they weighed me--WHOA---, and took my blood pressure (122/70), just like at a normal appointment. Then I was told to undress from the waist down and cover with the "drape" (looks like a huge papertowel). I had to wait in my "drape" for quite a while, but fortunately there was a space heater in the room...
I love that I get to be the patient on whom nursing students get to learn, but I figure if this poor girl is going to become a labor and delivery nurse, she will see many more bellies and thighs in her career, so surely mine will be forgotten about... unless the image scarred her... She looked at my big belly as we listened to Ransom's heartbeat and said, "You have the perfect pregnant belly! No stretch marks!" Thank you Grandma Jane and Mom for passing on good genes for awkward moments like that.
SO-- after being checked, it was discovered that Ransom is very low and exerting a lot of pressure (I concur), and that I am actually already 50% effaced (boys don't look that up; you will be freaked out). I am to "rest" as much as possible, put my feet up every chance I get, and take it easy. Ummm... my name is Jane... and I really like to shop... and my form of nesting is all day bake-a-thons....oh, and I have a 2 year old... ?

I have to chill. I have to remember that God is completely in charge of when Ransom makes his debut. Over the next few weeks, I need to just enjoy Sesame Street with Emma Jane, picnics on the couch, playing dolls on the floor... Resting. I'm not so good at resting. But I am going to start practicing today...

10 weeks

2011-01-24T12:08:00.001-08:00

Anthony Ransom Fertitta is due to make an appearance in about 10 weeks, and there is much to be done before his arrival. I, however, have found my favorite spot in our house (my yellow chair in the window corner to the left of the fireplace), and productivity is sure to be on a decline.

It is strange how little I have focused on this pregnancy and, more specifically, on Ransom, over the past 30 weeks. With Emma Jane, I paused to feel every single twitch and hiccup. I would sing to her to make those pesky hiccups go away. I read baby book after baby book to learn all I could about how to be a mommy (ha). At this point, her clothes were hung neatly in her closet awaiting her precious arrival. I think her carseat was even snapped in its safest position in the car.

So this time, is it because I have a 2 year old or because I've done this before that I am just really not consumed by the pregnancy???? In fact, I am looking forward to not being pregnant and to him being here so that I am awakened by tiny cries in the night instead of punts and field goals on my right side.

I am grateful to think, though, that when Ransom does get here, he will not only have a mommy who is incredibly in love and in awe with him, but he will also have a sister who has waited with eager anticipation for this month called April to arrive, when Mommy and Daddy said Ransom was coming. I know how much I love my brother, and it gives me great joy to think of how much Emma is going to love hers as she touches my belly and says, "Good morning, Ransom!" She tells me she is going to play peek-a-boo with him... give him bottles... share her pacifiers... So while he may not be receiving the attention Emma did in the womb, he for sure will get the love she did upon arrival.

Southwestern White Chili

2010-12-20T18:17:00.000-08:00

This was a hit at Emma Jane's birthday. It is so quick and easy, and people always go back for 2nds!

Southwestern White Chili

2 tbsp. Zesty Italian dressing

1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite size pieces

1 small onion, chopped

2 (15 oz) cans white beans (I used Bush's Great Northern Beans)

1 (14.5 oz ) can fat-free reduced sodium chicken broth

1 (4 oz) can chopped green chilies, undrained

1 tsp. ground cumin

Toppings: shredded cheese, cilantro, tortilla chips

Heat the dressing in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add chicken and onion, and saute until the chicken is cooked. Stir in beans, broth, chilies, cumin, and bring to a boil. Simmer on medium-low heat for about 10 minutes.

Serve over tortilla chips and top with cheese and cilantro.

Ta-dah!!! Yummy dinner in no time at all! :)

I Believe it was My Great Grandfather who said, "Your Bladder is Behind Your Eyes"

2010-12-06T11:23:00.001-08:00

Okay... These pregnancy hormones are turning me into a total sap. Examples below.

1. Clark went to work today--a totally normal occurrance. As he was backing out of the driveway, I got teary and thought of all the wonderful ways he took care of me this weekend and what a fabulous daddy he is and how blessed Emma and I are to have him, etc. etc. etc., and I got all teary. I told Emma, "Let's pray for Daddy," and I led Emma in a choked up prayer about her wonderful daddy.

P.S.: He is coming home today... normal time... I'm just crazy.

2. As Emma Jane was eating her vegetable soup for lunch, she decided to be brave and try the carrots and potatoes, normally completely avoided. She said, "YUM! Like it!" and kept eating them, and my eyes got all watery, and I thought I was going to cry because I was so proud.

?!?!?! It was carrots. Really, Katelyn?

3. Naptime arrived. I took Em upstairs and was going to read to her, but she asked for her paci, and she said, "Mommy, rock you?" Normally she just lies down and falls asleep on her own for her naps, but I couldn't resist. My eyes again began to water, and I said, "Of course Mommy will rock you!" She fell asleep within two minutes, but I just kept rocking her and thinking about the fact that I only have 4 more months of just Emma and Mommy time. I know I'm going to like this little squirmy boy living inside of me right now, but I already love Emma Jane SO much. It is hard to fathom loving another equally. Ugh. I'm getting weepy just typing about it!

If I hadn't just finished a stomach bug, I would be scarfing down double stuffed oreos and telling these hormones to suck it up. But, alas, a tender tummy calls for Jello and a day of surrendering to watery eyes. Maybe I can watch Beauty and the Beast and just get all the tears out in one fail swoop.

Messy House, Warm Hearts

2010-12-03T12:02:00.001-08:00

Note to self: Never try to force a strong-willed, nearly 2 year old to take a nap when she is really not very tired. Inevitably, frustration will ensue.

Our house feels like it's closing in on me as I am between seasons decorating-wise... I have the tubs out from my fall decor. I keep finding pumpkins and leaves in places I had forgotten about, so I have to keep tossing them in the giant tupperware container. I also have my Christmas tubs out since I have begun to decorate for my favorite time of the year. The mantle is mostly decorated, I have the Nativity up, our 10 foot tree is in place, but the rest of the happy holiday goodness is hidden under red lids in my den, playroom, and closet. I may claim tonight as a "get'er done" kind of night...

Emma has been incredibly cuddly today. She has started leaning against me periodically and just saying, "Miss you." Heart melts. Of course I missed her, too, while I was making my coffee, folding clothes, or starting another load of wash! It makes me really stop and try to give her the attention her little heart craves and deserves. Emma has a friend over this afternoon (they are both napping now-- I'm not just ignoring them to type...), so when they wake up, we are going to make tri-bead ornaments (or so that's the plan). I want to give them both a lot of love and attention... I mean, what could I really be doing that's more important? Getting stuff out of the red Christmas tubs? Nah. We will just go to a room that is not yet closing in on me and ignore the mess until little hearts are sleeping this evening. Thank you, God, that you have given me the privilege of being hugged and missed by a curly-headed two year old.

Pre-Thanksgiving Leftovers

2010-11-20T19:31:00.000-08:00

I roasted a delicious 12 lb. turkey the other night, and the week before Thanksgiving, I was already contemplating the best way to use "Thanksgiving" leftovers. What I came up with was extremely simple, and though the ingredients didn't change all that much, it was just enough change to feel like it was a new meal.

Clark called it Thanksgiving Stromboli, but it had more of a pot pie taste...

1 can crescent rolls
2 Tbsp. butter, softened
1/4 tsp. poultry seasoning
leftover turkey meat, in pieces
leftover stuffing

Preheat the oven to 375. Roll out the crescent rolls on a cutting board. Press the perforations together, forming one large rectangle of crescent roll deliciousness. Spread with softened butter, and sprinkle with poultry seasoning. Cover with a single layer of turkey. Press stuffing on top of turkey. Roll the rectangle into a log starting at the short end of the dough. Slice the log into 4-6 slices and place crescent roll side up on an ungreased baking sheet. Bake for about 15 minutes, or until the crescent roll is a deep golden on top and everything is warmed through. Serve with yummy veggies (i.e. roasted brussel sprouts), and enjoy!

In Keeping with Tradition...

2010-11-18T13:31:00.001-08:00

I am watching my DVRed "Throwdown" where Bobby Flay is challenging Ree Drummond, the Pioneer Woman, and I am getting SO HUNGRY!!!!! Oh my heavens, their food looks amazing! Isn't it funny, though, how their recipies look so delicious, yet inevitably we will all have the same things we have had on our table year after year--delicious or not!

For example: The only person in my family who likes marshmallows on top of sweet potatoes is my dad, but year after year, we have a 9x13 dish of the casserole leaving the rest of us to scrape the marshmallows to the side... How about green bean casserole? I am lusting over the roasted brussel sprouts I see these chefs prepare, but I am pretty sure there will be cream of mushroom soup covering canned green beans wherever my hungry self lights Thanksgivng Day.

Maybe for Emma's 2nd birthday I will prepare a Thanksgiving Feast using only recipies I have never done before... ??? That could be fun! AND TASTY!!!!

PS: If you haven't received a text or seen on facebook, we are having a BOY!!!! And, boy, was he proud of the parts that make him male! As soon as the technician began the ultrasound, there he was, in all his glory! Later he was even kind enough to move his hand down to display his goods.

I didn't have a prefrence, but I am so excited to think of Emma having a brother. I just think how much I love my brother, and the special bond Emma and her little brother will have. I also feel like Clark will have his boy, and even though he says he would have been just as thrilled with a girl, I feel like he will be happy to have his mini-me. So as far as names go, we are thinking Anthony Ransom Fertitta, and he would be called Ransom. Ransom is actually my Grandma Jane's middle name, and her father got the name from Thomas E. G. Ransom, a general of the Union Army in the Civil War. Ransom in means "warrior's shield" or "deliverance, rescue" and is of English origin.

The little guy is moving right now. What a wonderful feeling!!! Emma is waking up from a 3 hour nap... Life is good! Thank you, God, for all the blessings and privileges you have given me. I pray that I will be a good steward of all you entrust to me.

No More "Jaws Theme Song" Playing in My Head...

2010-11-04T12:12:00.000-07:00

The surfboards are gone.

Well, they are at least on the floor in bits and pieces rather than hanging proudly as a border.

Today I chose completion over a nap, perhaps because I was embarassed when Leah came over and saw the mess, or perhaps I was challenged by what Beth Moore said last night: "Finish the work, and finish it well." While this is not the tabernacle in the wilderness, I do want this room to be a sanctuary for Emma--a place where she can find rest and come to know the love of her Savior as her mommy and daddy try to flesh it out daily. Before we moved, I purchased some of that vinyl lettering that you stick to the wall in the words of Psalm 139:14 ("I praise You, because I am wonderfully and fearfully made...") with plans to put it in the baby room. Now I'm not sure. I think I may want to put it on one of Emma's big girl room walls... As she grows from toddler to little girl to young lady, I want her to constantly be reminded that God put thought and effort into her creation, and that she is a work of art!

So, sans surfboards, it is time to choose paint and make that room beautiful for my beautiful little girl! She says she wants it to be purple... I think Clark is less intimidated by lavender than pink, so we will see...

Yummy Dinner

2010-10-28T19:22:00.003-07:00

It feels soooooo good to make a dinner that has your honey purring and later telling you, "That was really good", especially if he is a man of few words and scarcely uses adjectives. Since dinner tonight was a success (and really easy), I think it deserves posting. It is inspired from something I saw Jessica Seinfield make on Oprah the other day, but I didn't get the recipe, and I don't measure, so... here it goes!

MENU

Lemon Rosemary Chicken

Root Vegetables

Biscuits

Lemon Rosemary Chicken

1 whole fryer (I used a 3lb. chicken)

1 lemon

rosemary sprigs

olive oil

salt

pepper

kitchen string

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Clean the chicken, removing the innards, neck, and tail. Place on a large baking sheet. Rinse the lemon and use a pairing knife to cut random 1/2 inch gashes in the lemon. Stick the whole lemon in the cavity of the chicken. Add 4 or 5 rosemary sprigs to the cavity. Pour about 2 Tbsp. olive oil on the outside of the chicken and give it a good massage. Salt and pepper both sides of the oily bird generously. Tie the legs together tightly with the kitchen string, tuck the wings under the front of the chicken.

Root Vegetables

Parsnips (Look like big white carrots)

Carrots (I used baby ones to save on time)

New Potatoes (I used purple potatoes from Randall's-- AMAZING, and very pretty)

Peel parsnips and carrots. Cut in 1/2 inch chunks. (You can leave the baby carrots whole.) Cut the potatoes in halves. Place vegetables around chicken on baking sheet. Drizzle vegetables with olive oil, and sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Roast chicken and vegetables in the oven at 375 for about an hour and a half.

Biscuits

I cheated and used Pioneer baking mix, and they were YUMMY! :)

Hope you and yours enjoy this meal as much as my little family did! :)

Surf's Up!

2010-10-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

This is the border that the previous residents thought was a good idea. It is also the border that Fannie Mae thought was so great they would take the time to paint around it (they painted right over all but one other-- the turtle mosaic in the guest bath--equally impressive).

This is what I discovered when I removed the border! The khaki on top is the paint color original to the house. The blue is the color the room was to coordinate with the surf board border. The WHOLE ENTIRE ROOM (minus the border) was that color blue.

Wall one: completed.
I started wall 2 during Emma's nap today, and I hoped to have it finished before I went to bed tonight. HOWEVER... Emma choked on a Nilla Wafer in the car on the way home from the store and threw up in her carseat. Later on this evening, Clark, while helping me look for something, knocked my glass grease jar onto the kitchen tile. Then, the Cowboys game was on, so I got bath duty. Because these "projects" got a lot of unplanned attention, normal chores have been pushed to this time instead of continuing my dewallpapering, but hopefully I will get much done tomorrow!

ADD

2010-10-24T19:37:00.001-07:00

Today I took note of the projects I have started or in which I have invested some time and/or money, and I noted how many of those projects have reached completion, and I have determined I have Attention Deficit Disorder.

FOR EXAMPLE:
I bought tons of flowers, ribbon, and clips because I was going to go into the bow making business (at least for Emma Jane). I think I made maybe 5 bows, 3 of which I gave away... The flowers and ribbon are in my craft closet waiting to be used.

I bought yards of assorted flannel to make baby blankets for shower gifts. The flannel is folded neatly, untouched, ungifted, in my craft closet.

Emma's big girl room, currently a guest room, has a nardly surfboard border wrapping around the 4 walls. The first step in getting this room ready for Emma is taking this horrendous border down. About 3 weeks ago, I pulled up a corner just to see how well stuck it was. Three days ago, I tried the fabric softener/water trick. Tonight I tried the iron. As of right now, one wall is done. This is the furthest I have gotten on a remodeling project other than taking out the shower door, but Clark helped on that one.

At MOPS last Wednesday, we made these super cool clip boards that I decided I would make some more of for Christmas gifts. So, I went to Hobby Lobby and bought all the materials (Modge Podge, scrapbook paper, embellishments, etc.) minus the actual clipboards. I figure I will get those at Wal-Mart when I can set aside my dislike of that store and go there.

Just Friday I went to Hobby Lobby and splurged on 6 yards of beautiful decorator fabric to make curtains for the playroom. It is still in the Hobby Lobby bags in my room. I did, however, move a desk and my sewing machine into my room, showing I have great intentions...

Looking at this post is overwhelming! There are so many fun things (yes, these things seem fun to me) that I want to do, but just so little time to get them done. I go from one good thought to another, reaching completion on so few! The craft stores have got to LOVE me!!!!! Imagine the shoes I could buy with the money I would save from not having as many crafty compulsions!

My goal for tomorrow: During Emma's nap time, do my Bible study, and then get out of this comfy yellow chair and get my butt up to the guest room and de-surfboard at least one more wall! I will try to post tomorrow evening to see what really gets done!

Fantastic Switch

2010-10-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

Lately Emma Jane has been very mommy-centered, partially stemming, I think, from lack of Daddy time. He had some late work nights, softball games, church, etc., and she hadn't gotten to see him much this week. My name (Mommy) was being said more often than ever, and it felt like I was the only one in the world who could meet her needs... slightly overwhelming at times. Last night, Emma re-fell in love with her daddy, and today, Daddy has been the only one she needs. They have made trips to Lowe's together, planted Amaryllis bulbs, carryied dirt around the yard, played football, and eaten meals together. She has insisted that Daddy get her out of her carseat each time and that Daddy change her diaper. I know it's a small thing, but it just assures me that God intended us to parent together... in a pair... Just when I had reached my breaking point, Daddy was there to meet the needs and wants of a somewhat needy and wanty 22 month old! Maybe by the end of this weekend I will be jealous for her time and affection, thus ready to face another week with little daddy time, but at this moment, I am in love with my little girl's love for her daddy!

Renovation Success!

2010-08-09T13:29:00.000-07:00

Clark got me a fantastic early birthday present--- a new laptop!!! Yea! So now I can type wherever Emma is playing which will hopefully help me stay on top of email and blogging!

This weekend, we tackled our first renovation project! We took out the sliding glass doors on the tub in the guest bathroom and replaced them with a curved shower rod and a beautiful white "shabby chic" shower curtain! We scrubbed all the fixtures and knobs until shiny and mildew free! Clark replaced the overflow cover with a nice brushed nickel one. It is so clean and fresh looking, and the total reno came to about $40! This project has encouraged me in so many ways! It was easy, Clark and I had a fun time working on it together (family bonding), and it didn't cost much to make a big difference! My new old house has hope! :)

I will try to post pictures soon. After 4 months of no pictures, I finally bought camera batteries today, but now I can't find my camera. Figures.

Hugs to all!

Cleaning Fun!

2010-07-19T14:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I have posted a link to this website before or not, but it is a great site for motivation and direction when trying to figure out where to start in the house cleaning process!

www.flylady.net

Happy Cleaning!

Try again?

2010-07-08T11:35:00.000-07:00

This morning, Emma and I watched the Sesame Street episode where Jack-be-nimble tries to jump over 8 candlesticks but stumbles on his first 2 attempts. It takes the encouragement of dear friends to get him to try again, resulting in not just success, but surpassing greatness. THUS, I am going to try again at blogging, determined to far exceed my own expectations.

Last night, God and I talked. It was at a service at church which I was a little skeptical about at first, but which turned out to be a really good thing. We prayed in different styles, took Lord's Supper, and sang praise songs. It was a really emotional night for me. Clark was unable to make it, but I am kind of glad because I had no distractions. I just got to be real before Jesus, and bring Him my pleas and petitions mingled with my thanksgivings. Of course on the forefront of my mind was our house selling. At one point people were asked to go up and pray with the prayer ministry volunteers if they had a need for physical healing in their lives. I was so broken just watching all the people go to the front, some of them with pains I was aware of, others' hurts unknown to me. Right before that portion was wrapped up, I realized--HEY! I am sick! I didn't move, but I just sat in the pew and cried. Happy tears. Sad tears. Prayerful tears. I have still been taking meds for anxiety since post-partum, and though I feel great, I don't like having to think of it in light of getting pregnant again or as a forever problem. I am thankful for the meds and the doctors' wisdom that have helped me so much, but how I would love for Jesus to just take this struggle away from me. I don't know what His will is... for me to remain on happy pills for the rest of my life, or for it to just be a short chapter, but I do know I want His will to be done, not my own. His will and way always surprise me with more pleasure than I ever could have conceived, and I am so greatful that at the end of the day it is Him who authors my story and not me.

LIVE-ing

2009-09-19T14:52:00.001-07:00

Today, on my birthday, I was driving home from a beautiful baby shower, all by myself, windows and sunroof open, Coldplay resounding through my Bose speakers, and I noticed a car with one of those Coexist bumper stickers. Here is my thought: I don't want to just "coexist". I want to LIVE. Jesus said, "I have come that they might have LIFE and LIFE to the full!" (John 10:10) I want to sing loud with the windows down... I want to dance with my husband... I want to appreicate the gracefulness of the dragonflies in my backyard... I want to be mesmerized by Emma's blue eyes... and in those things, I want the world to see Jesus with me and through me-- seeing Him as the creator and sustainer of all things amazing and good. Living sounds so much more exciting than just "coexisting"...
"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." Matthew 10:34

Lazarus

2009-08-10T08:49:00.001-07:00

Yesterday in Sunday school we studied John 11, the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. It made me think of this song. I have linked it for your listening pleasure!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rs1GiYIvnFs

:) :) :) :)

On your mark, get set, CRAWL!

2009-07-22T18:50:00.000-07:00

I have not posted in exactly one month due to the mobility of my child (a.k.a. Emma is crawling and pulling up on everything). I laugh when people say that crawling will wear out a child and cause them to sleep better. HA. Emma can't stop! She falls asleep when I feed her a bedtime bottle, but the moment I lay her down in her crib, she wakes up and starts crawling again! I hear her on the monitor all throughout the night as she randomly sits up, talks to herself, and then crawls from one end of her crib to the other. So, if I get a chance, I will try to blog a more interesting post, but for now, I am busy keeping Emma away from Jussi (poor dog), out of Jussi's water bowl, off the fireplace screen, down the stairs, away from the stereo (very loud under her control), and basically as safe as I can while allowing her to have learning experiences. :)

Making the moolah

2009-06-22T06:34:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to Beaumont, and I spent way too much money.

So, I have a new obsession:

KINGWOOD YARDSALES!!! (http://www.kingwoodyardsales.com/)

Somewhere in the craziness of my mind, I have decided I am going to cancel out my ridiculous spending by selling things from around my house, things I don't like or don't use or things that could fetch a good price ("Clark isn't wearing his watch, is he?" "Do we really need a daiper genie?"). You can help me on my way to self-created wealth by purchasing my unwanted junk. I'm not really sure how you go about doing this, but I'm sure the website explains it. I think you e-mail me, we meet somewhere, and we exchange cash for treasure. Because I sent e-mails to 5 friends (5 of my and Clark's e-mail addresses), I get a 7 day premiere package which includes pictures and a count of how many views my items have received. My puppy paw prints kit has receieved like 30 views! I'm just waiting for an offer!

Happy shopping!

2009-06-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

Motherhood is a fascinating club. Rarely do you find such a group of exhausted women able to drive large vehicles, put pacifiers in mouths without looking, talk on the phone, and still get where they should be going without even having finished a full cup of coffee. Parenting is a fascinating experiement... Every choice is really a hypothesis based on previous theory which either leads to a positive conclusion or a new hypothesis. For example: Hypothesis: If I use teething tablets, Emma's gums will stop hurting. Conclusion: Teething tablets are good for temporary relief of teething pain (approximately 15 minutes). Hypothesis: If I give Emma applesauce, her tummy will feel better. Conclusion: Loose bowel movements are encouraged by sugar which is found in fruit. Hypothesis: If I give Emma noodles that I puree with olive oil and salt, her tummy will feel better. Conclusion: I have no idea if her tummy feels better, but she is a fan of pasta!
I am still amazed by the fact that the Lord knows the answer to every question, and yet He gives us the privilege of figuring things out step by step. Why has He trusted me with such a wonderful little girl??? Thank you, God, for Your omnipotence and Your patience. And thank you for teething tablets.

Bedtime prayers

2009-06-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,
When we get to Heaven, will the laughter of babies float sweetly among the angel choruses? Blue plastic bathtubs and flower watering cans may not be a part of the heavenly decor, but surely the joy that causes splashing hands and gummy grins will spring forth from our hearts, happy to be home.

One of Emma's bottom teeth is showing through her tender gums, and I feel excited, anticipating all the learning and development to come. Do you feel that way toward me? When I take a step in my faith, when I mature, are You excited?

I want to rejoice and be glad in every day You have made. You have entrusted me with the great privilege and responsibility of being a mommy. Thank you for this opportunity.

My heart's prayer will continue to be this: Please bring Emma to salvation at a young age. Help her to fall in love with You and Your Word in the years when it is easy to stray. Help Clark and me to be accepting of Your will for her life, whatever it may be. Thank you for the blessing that she is.
Amen.

Questions from the underwire

2009-06-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

If matter can be neither created nor destroyed,

where did my chest go?

2009-06-01T18:47:00.000-07:00

It is already 8:47 on Monday evening! Whew!

Friday night I had the joy of taking Emma to watch her daddy play softball! The guys in our Sunday school class are in a church league, and the wives and babies go and cheer them on. This was my first game to attend since it was the first one before 9:00 since I've been a happy person, and unfortunately it was their last of the season. It was soooooooooo much fun! They were really bad. The night started with an umpire yelling at my husband and two other guys, saying, "I've told you high school guys before that you can't play on this field." They politely explained that they were here to play as a B team in the church league, and after he noticed the wives and babies, he stopped chasing them off. Then the team we were playing arrived. They were men in their forties to sixties with gray hair and knee braces. As they walked by the bleachers where the wives were sitting we could hear them mumbling about how young these guys were and how badly they thought they would be beat. Little did they know that most of our twenty year old husbands were in the band rather than on the football team. As the game began, it was obvious that our sweet spouses had more experience with computer keyboards than batting cages and more spirit than skill. They gave it their all and seemed to have a really good time. One of my favorite parts was how proudly the girls would shout for their not-so-athletic batter/fielder, as though they had just hit a homerun at Yankee Stadium or fielded the most cruicial out. Our guys did put forth a valiant effort, losing by only two runs. Afterword we went to the Wolfram's house for ice cream sundaes and fellowship. I was struck by how wonderful it is to have great friends who really love their mates as much as I do, even if they aren't going to be drafted into the major leagues any time soon.

Saturday=Supper 6 with the Smithsons and Meriwethers at our house (Yea for Stouffer's lasagna and green bean bundles.
Sunday=Slept until 7:00 (thanks Emma!), leisurely ate breakfast, got ready, Sunday school, church, Los Cucos with wonderful friends, home for an hour and a half, to the Pearce's for burgers and a youth workers' planning meeting, then to the Burris's until way past Clark's bedtime
Monday=LAUNDRY. And now it is 9:00, and I think I will join my star athlete in bed! Goodnight!

Prophets, Baked Beans, and Pulled Pork

2009-05-27T06:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Memorial Day a little late! Monday, Clark and I went to a barbecue at the home of one of his co-workers. That would be normal enough, but you need to know that Clark and I were the only non-Mormons in the whole bunch. The ONLY non-Mormons. I love meeting new people, Clark can be a social butterfly when he chooses to be, and Emma is always up for a party, so this little LDS detail put an interesting spin on things. Clark and I came away from the barbecue feeling like the Baptist church has much to learn from the Mormons. They go to a certain church based on where they live, so there is no church-hopping or leaving because you don't like the music. They spend TONS of time together in and out of church, so this barbecue felt more like a regular family get together. Most of the couples had at least one baby, but everyone took care of everyone elses children, like really loved aunts and uncles. There were no observable cliques, everyone seemed to get along, and everyone seemed to really enjoy being together. I was thinking what a benefit this is to their kids. Not only do they have all these kind, loving adults to mentor them, but they are safe among children who have shared beliefs. During their most formidable years, they are pretty well sheltered and surrounded by people who will train them up in their faith. If we as Baptists were this dedicated to spending quality time with one another, with raising our children up in our faith together, with being a body of believers versus church-hopping individuals, imagine the effect we could have on our communities for Christ. I was impressed by these Mormons. And the pulled pork was fantastic.

Psalm 46:10

2009-05-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

Every time I put Emma down for her nap, I am reminded of this verse. She fights sleep even as her eyes are rolling back in her head. I, being her mother, know that the best thing for her to do would be close her eyes, stop her kicking, and just relax into my arms. She can fall asleep peacefully knowing that I love her, and when she wakes up, I'll be there to provide for her. "Be still, and know that I am Mommy..."

Could God give me a clearer message???

Just as I want Emma to give in and trust me, He, my Heavenly Father, wants me to lean fully into His strong arms and relax. He knows what I need when I don't have a clue. He holds on tightly and lovingly while I kick and fuss, refusing to bend my will to fit His. Ultimately He wins, and undoubtedly it is what's best for me. Why not just crawl into His open arms, "stop striving", and know that He is God? Rest and relaxation at its finest...

"Be still (NAS: Cease striving), and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

c/o: Mothers

2009-05-15T13:44:00.000-07:00

Today we went to a playdate at a friend's house. Emma spit up on her burp rag and on the table. I didn't realize how much she had spit up on the burp rag, so in my efforts to clean the table, I continued to multiply the spit up. It was gross! Sorry Jenny!!!

I have permission from Clark to tell this next tid-bit. Last night Emma decided she was hungry. When Emma decides something, there is no changing her mind or putting her off for a little bit. She wanted food, and she wanted it immediately. SO-- with her on my hip, I am semi-hurriedly making a bottle and mixing rice cereal in a baby bowl, getting her Bumbo ready for use, etc. In walks Clark. I guess he sees me doing all the things I'm doing (?), but he is busy preparing his workout clothes and gymbag for the morning. I somehow got baby, bottle, bowl, and Bumbo to the table and began successfully feeding Emma when Clark asked me if he had clean jeans. I told him that his jeans were indeed clean but in a mountain of clean clothes on our bed, so if he wanted them to be wrinkle free, he probably needed to go get them and fold them. OR, I said, "Do you want to feed Emma, and I'll go fold your jeans (and all your other clothes)???" He said, "I'll take care of myself, thank you." OR I guess it could have been "I'll take care of myself. Thank you." EITHER WAY--- It struck me as really ironic that while I had rice cereal in my eyelashes he was going to take care of himself. I guess I should have been thankful that it was one less person to take care of, but I selfishly though, "WOW! What's that like-- taking care of just yourself????" I've often wondered what would happen if I just handed him Emma and said, "I'm going to run to ______. Love you!" Tee-hee.... Panic!!!! That's what would happen! He does hang out with Emma while I run errands, and he is great with her! But I guess it's kind of like in Indian families: the daddy could leave to go hunting at any time, but mommy has the baby strapped to her. Being a mommy sure does make you realize all the things your mom did that you took for granted, how she was always the last one to go to sleep, or how your clothes always magically made it from the washer to the dryer, or how she never lost your record of vaccinations even though it's just a flimsy piece of paper! Motherhood is such a selfless business. I'm glad that you are allowed to learn by watching wonderful examples (thank you, Momma) and through a bit of trial and error. Happy Friday, everyone!

Grandma Jane, Paw Paw, and Emma

2009-05-14T12:22:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite pictures of all time: Emma is in my PawPaw's arms looking up and belly laughing at Grandma Jane. What a blessing to be able to see my daughter in the arms that held me so many time! I am so privileged to have these amazing grandparents!

Beginnings of blogging

2009-05-12T13:00:00.001-07:00

Last Friday, Emma turned 5 months. In the five months since she has been born, I have had my husbands law school graduation, Mastitis, Christmas, New Year's, the Bar exam, a UTI, a bladder infection, kidney stones, insomnia, Easter, and post partum depression. Pregnancy, labor and delivery were walks in the park compared to post partum. I am so thankful that Emma is an incredibly good baby.

I was put on Lunesta and Prozac, which have just started kicking in. At first, I was so sleepy on the Prozac that in order to stay awake I had to keep moving. My house is probably the cleanest it's been in a long time- completely mopped and disinfected.

Saturday, I noticed some sand fleas by our back door. As the afternoon progressed, it turned into a sand flea invasion. When your house is as clean as mine was, it feels like a personal violation to have little bugs coming in from your backyard. Of course one found it's way into Emma's diaper and feasted on her tender cheeks. I felt like an awful mother even though I have no control over nature. I went in the kitchen and was slapping fleas as they entered. I considered whether or not I was actually psychotic as I killed fleas with the palm of my hand. What if the fleas were a figment of my imagination? "Oh well...", I thought. "The guy in A Beautiful Mind was crazy yet genius. Maybe I'm loopy, but I can still function." Clark went to Lowe's to buy poison to spread and spray. I put Emma in her swing for a nap, baked a Totino's pizza, opened my reserve of french onion dip and dug in. As I scooped a chip full of delicious dip, I considered my emotional eating frenzy and realized I needed to start blogging. An outlet for the craziness, a place where others can laugh at the unbelievable yet ordinary events of my day, may be essential for my survival. Okay, maybe not survival, but essential at least for the prospect of having more children. SO read my posts, ignore my horrible spelling, and laugh at my stories. I promise honesty with little embelishment. Real life is so good it rarely needs editing!