Wednesday, April 22, 2015

My aim and my charge

"The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." 1 Timothy 1:5

Just so we can be completely upfront and honest, Clark is working late, so I put the kids to bed at 7:10, and this is about to happen.
I might fold some laundry while watching last night's Voice episode. Between bites. Nom nom nom.
When the Dallas sky is blue and the kids are playing nicely, I like to bring my current reading material to my happy lounge chair and soak it all up. I just began Lysa Terkeurst's The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands. It's really a bit of an ironic choice for my current season in life. I should have picked it up... oh, I don't know... a year ago... when I was rushing from meeting to meeting, Bible studying and teaching, hosting and organizing, unable to say no, but silently crying when I just wanted my baby to get the nap he needed. Yeah. Somebody should have handed me the book then.
I frequently refer to the present time in my life as a strange prolonged vacation. We are in the process of plugging in, making friends and finding our niche. Both Clark and I are serving in our church body, but not in ways that require the time or energy that we previously exerted. At first I felt completely lost. I didn't know how to not be leading and doing. My heart missed teaching. I missed baby-sitting my friend's kids while they went to dental appointments.  If I'm honest, I missed feeling like people needed me.
I then began learning how to rest. Despite the initial difficulty in "be[ing] still (cease striving)" (Psalm 46:10), this resting business was starting to feel alright. Our schedule was flexible and undemanding. I had complete freedom to choose how and where the kids and I spent our time with kindergarten being the only "interference" to our whims.  With very few expectations or commitments we were free to be spontaneous about hikes at the nearby state park or just enjoy lazy days at home. Ransom and I could venture to Target with complete anonymity.
In The Best Yes, Lysa says "A woman who lives with the stress of an overwhelmed schedule will often ache with the sadness of an underwhelmed soul." (p.21) "The decisions we make dictate the schedules we keep. The schedules we keep determine the lives we live. The lives we live determine how we spend our souls." (p.23)
I feel like the Lord has let me taste both sides- overwhelmed and overscheduled as well as relaxed and free. And now I feel like He's calling me to blend rest and purpose and serve Him well.
Hugs <3 p="">

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