World Adoption Day

November is National Adoption Month, and World Adoption Day was this past Wednesday. In celebration of our sweet boy, I made a little slide show. Adoption is an incredible thing. We are so privileged to get to love Titus.

Digital slideshow created with Smilebox

Hungary, Hungary Fertittas!

   Hello, all!

   In case you have not heard, our family of five is moving to Budapest, Hungary. Clark received an expat assignment from ExxonMobil, and we are excited to join him in this adventure. Clark has been in Budapest for 20 days (!) on his own, and the kids and I are eager to be with him, whether that be in Texas or Hungary! This post will just be a list of the important points to catch everyone up to date. Future posts will be about our excursions and experiences in a foreign country! Y'all come visit!


 

• The judge granted our petition to finalize Titus's adoption early! He will officially be Titus Frederick Fertitta THIS FRIDAY, July 1st, 2016! Expect your Facebook newsfeed to be blown up with cuteness.
  
• Our house sold after 4 days on the market! Hooray!
  
• The movers come tomorrow. TOMORROW. In the morning they will begin packing (read wrapping plastic Barbie accessories in 20 sheets of heavy brown paper) and sorting our shipments. We get suitcases plus carry-ons for each of us, 70 cubic feet of air shipment to arrive 3-4 weeks after it's sent, and 2 containers shipped by sea to arrive about 2 months after departure. We also get climate controlled storage for all of our American items which won't be of much use to us in Hungary.
  
• Clark found us a house! We will be leasing an unfurnished house in Budapest. It is about as big as our current house, so we will buy a few pieces of furniture when we get there to have some things until our sea shipment arrives.
  

  

  The view out my kitchen window

  
  
  
  

  

  Our street sign

  
  
  
  
  
• We fly out July 12th. Clark will be with me and the kids, and we fly at night, so hopefully it will be a peaceful flight to our new home. 

• We would love visitors! We plan to do a lot of traveling around Europe while we are there, but our house has a room just for guests, so if you would like to use us as lodging, come on! I'll cook for you!
  
  
  
  
  We love you, and we thank you for your prayers and encouragement as we begin this exciting adventure!
  
  *All photo credit goes to my amazing husband.

Titus Frederick Fertitta

...was born Sunday, February 21st, 2016 at 4:04 PM. Birth-mom Melanie called Sunday morning at 10:00 and said she had gone to the hospital for routine blood work before her induction and the nurses told her she was in labor. Clark and I got ready as quickly as possible, loaded the kids in the car and headed to Houston. We made it to the hospital by 3:50. Melanie had just reached 10 cm and was waiting to push until I got there. I held her hand, wiped her forehead, coached her through contractions and was able to watch as our son was born. It was an incredible experience. The grief and the joy were so intertwined. My heart broke in a million pieces for Melanie as she tried not to look at the baby or to hear his cries.At the same time, I was filled with love and joy at meeting my 9 pound 8 ounce bundle of joy.

   Clark and I were moved to a Nesting Room where we were able to get to know Titus. As I gave him his first feeding, I noticed he was breathing fast. I asked the nurse to check him, and she found he was running a fever. After only thirty minutes of being together, we moved to the nursery so Titus could be observed more carefully. During this time we met the birth-father and the birth-grandmother as they came to meet the baby boy. Initially the nurses thought Titus was just experiencing difficulty transitioning which can be pretty common among baby boys, but after four hours of watching him struggle to catch his breath, Titus was moved to the NICU.
    The charge nurse that night was an amazing woman named Marissa who so sweetly helped me understand what all would be involved in the days ahead. We found out that Melanie had a fever as well, and so they thought Titus was just fighting off something similar. Titus was hooked to IV fluids, heart monitors and a pulse/ox monitor, and he was given a canula with a fast flow of oxygen to give his little lungs a break. It was bizarre seeing this big, healthy looking boy in a bed beside a 27 week preemie, but they were both struggling to catch their breath.

   I was allowed to stay at the hospital in our Nesting Room, but it was very strange to sleep alone in a hospital bed with no baby to care for. Of course this was exactly what Melanie was doing just down the hall. I bumped into Melanie as I was leaving the NICU and she was being moved to recovery. She had heard Titus was sick, and she was very worried. I told her all that was going on, and I asked if she would want to go visit him with me in the morning. She said she would think about it.
   The next day, I saw Titus in the morning. A fabulous nurse named Michelle was caring for him that day. I went to Melanie's room to let her know how he was doing. We talked for a good while, and then she said she wanted to shower and get dressed and go see him with me. We went down to the NICU together around 10:00 Monday morning. Watching Melanie see our son for the first time was amazing and heartbreaking. I have a picture of the exact moment when she saw him. I look forward to showing it to Titus someday so he can see exactly how much his birth-mom loved him. With some encouragement from me and the nurse, Melanie sat and held Titus for about 10 minutes. It was beautiful watching her admire his tiny toes and his long fingers. She talked lovingly to him just as any mom would, but then, after Titus had fallen asleep, Melanie was ready to go. I walked with her back to her room. She told me she was so glad she had gone to see him, that she had been afraid it would be too hard, but then she realized it would have been harder to have never seen him at all. Melanie went to visit Titus in the NICU another time with me and then a few more times I noticed her name on the sign-in sheet.
   Tuesday was Melanie's discharge day and our placement day. This was the hardest day for me. I did not know it was possible for a person to love a practical stranger so deeply. In the month since meeting Melanie, and then spending those days with her at the hospital, God put a love for her in my heart that is bigger than anything I could have ever imagined. Our social worker met with all of us and Clark and I sat beside Melanie on her hospital bed and told her how much we loved her, how much God loved her, and how we believe God had brought us together. We gave her a gift, a necklace with the February birthstone, and then our social worker told us it was time for us to go so Melanie could sign her paperwork. I hugged Melanie then, but when I pulled away I realized this could very well be the last time I ever saw her, and I hugged her again, tightly, trying to hold back tears and communicate how much we care for her and about her welfare. We left her room and walked into the hallway, and as soon as her door was shut, I fell against Clark, sobbing. When Melanie terminated her rights that afternoon, we received a son, but when she was discharged, I felt like I had lost a daughter.
     That day it seemed like Titus was getting better, but then all of a sudden, he got worse. His fever came back, his breathing became more rapid. Suddenly the doctor was saying things like Meningitis and possible malrotation of the bowel. Test results took time, and answers were slow in coming. After more days in the NICU and nights at the local Homewood Suites, Titus had a positive result on a Flu test and an inconclusive read on a barium test of his bowel. The transfer request was made by the neonatologist due to the possibility of needing surgery, and the Friday after Titus was born, he was transferred by ambulance to Children's Memorial Herman in the medcenter.
    Clark brought the big kids to Houston for the weekend because they are my best Prozac. We had no idea how long Titus would be in the hospital. He had an entire team of doctors and nurses working to figure out what was wrong and to treat the symptoms as best they could. Test results trickled in and antibiotics were discontinued. The consensus eventually became Titus had the flu, and other than that, he was a strong, healthy, and really good baby. Clark and the kids left Sunday afternoon, and I went back to the NICU to hold my other baby.
     Monday, when I went to the Medcenter, I planned to spend the morning with Titus, be there for doctor rounds, and then head back to Kingwood where I was staying to do laundry and spend time with friends. During rounds, the doctors said the magic word: "Discharge". Discharge?! US?! My son?! WE ARE GOING HOME!!!! I had set my expectations low, thinking we could be in Houston indefinitely, but now, I was going to get to take Titus home to meet his brother and sister, to start life as a family of five. I called my dad, and he lovingly agreed to drive with me back to DFW. We reached our living room at 1:something AM, and it has never felt so good to be home. All my chicks were finally in one nest.
    Titus got to meet his big sister at 7:00 Monday morning. She was immediately smitten. Ransom met Titus at 8:00 AM Monday morning, and it's been difficult to get him to leave his side ever since.
  There were so many signs of God's faithfulness and provision that I didn't go into. Clark and I had to continually lean into the Lord, and we were provided with such peace and comfort even when things were difficult or uncertain. God has continually proven himself trustworthy and kind, and I look forward to seeing the amazing plans He has in store for Titus in the years to come.
 

 

In the Que (aka Still Waiting)

 I thought by this time I would be posting pictures of tiny baby toes and announcements of length and weight. It is a surreal thing to be ten months pregnant while someone else is carrying the baby. Titus is 6 days past his due date. At Melanie's doctor appointment yesterday, they made plans to induce either Monday or Tuesday. While it is hard for me to be patient, there is this strange end in sight. Emma asked last night, "What if Titus doesn't come until 2017?" Because Melanie is not an elephant, I expect Titus to come before then. (Poor elephants...   Animals with Really Long Gestational Times )

 I am learning so much in all of this. I am learning to look for praises in the midst of the waiting. 

• There were two days in February where Clark would not possibly have been able to leave work and be with me in Houston. Praise: We have passed those days! He can be there! 
• Ransom had a bad cold this past week. Praise: I got to cuddle and focus on taking care of him and I get to bring a newborn home to a healthy family!
• My dad was here since Monday evening. Praise: He now knows well the ins and outs of our weekly routines and feels confident in being the substitute mom!
• My house was a bit messy. Praise: Nesting happens even for adoptive moms! This is the cleanest my house has been in a long time!

  One of the praises I am most thankful for is the support and encouragement we have received from friends and family. As we wait, they pray, they gain understanding regarding our adoption, they support us with love and encouragement, and they are present. 

  

  Waiting is hard, but I believe God's timing is perfect. He is using this time to add weight to Titus's tiny body, to strengthen his lungs, and to prepare us to be his family. 

   Please continue to pray for Melanie as she carries this sweet boy. Pray for her health, strength, and peace in the days to come. 

Waiting...

   In my excitement and eager anticipation of Titus's impending arrival, today I told lots of people that his due date is Friday. I lied. Titus's due date is actually Sautrday. I always knew it was February 13th; I just thought I would skip over Friday in an effort to hurry and get to Saturday! 

   The crazy thing, as anyone who has ever been pregnant or around a pregnant person in their life knows, is that due dates don't always mean very much. We could get a call at any moment that Melanie is in labor and Titus is on his way... Or we could pass Saturday without any change, and remain in this expectant stage for who knows how much longer. Well, hopefully not very much longer, for Melanie's sake! In all of this, I am reminded that it is the Lord who determines when first breaths will be taken, and that I can trust He has his eye on Titus and Melanie in this moment. 

   You know how babies are measured relative to fruit during pregnancy? Titus is not a plum or a mango. Best I can figure, he is the size of a regular watermelon. He is baby-size, a tiny human waiting for his lungs to miraculously go from receiving fluid to air, his eyes soon to be met by blinding light, his ears near to hearing sounds and voices that have previously been only muffled and muted. In all the fascination and difficulty of the adoption process, I dare not miss the fact that Titus is a miracle pointing directly to the Creator. Though his birthday will be filled with many emotions, it will be a day of celebrating and praising God for allowing us this glimpse into His creative work. 

"For you formed my inward parts;

    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

    my soul knows it very well.

 My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

    the days that were formed for me,

    when as yet there was none of them.

 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

    How vast is the sum of them!

 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

    I awake, and I am still with you."

Psalm 139:13-18

Our Journey to Adoption

  Ten years ago, I was a first grade teacher in downtown Houston. I was at a bilingual campus, and the first grade Spanish speakers made it their job to teach me Spanish. It was my first deep exposure to the Hispanic and Latino culture, and I loved it.

   Nine years ago, I began teaching second grade at a title one school in Humble. My students came from various backgrounds and levels of stability, and I loved most of them as my own. Clark began to talk about starting a family, and all I could think about was taking care of the children God had already placed in my life. I told the Lord and Clark that I didn't want to have biological children; I just wanted to adopt. 

   Eight years ago, I looped up with most of my class to third grade. My heart was hooked on these kids. I spent eight hours a day with them, yes, doing my job as an educator, but I felt I was fulfilling my call to ministry by loving their tiny souls. Adoption was so heavy on my heart. Clark was not there yet. We prayed for guidance and direction regarding my job and plans for our family, and through various trials that year, the Lord showed me it was time to "retire" from teaching and be a mommy. 

    Seven years and 1 month ago, I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl on planet Earth. I also began one of the most difficult journeys of my life as I walked through post-partum depression. I was shaped and refined through a struggle I never expected and never wanted to revisit. Clark and I in high school had joked we would have seven children someday. After Emma, four sounded like a stretch. Clark's heart began to stir toward the possibility of adoption.

    Four years and nine months ago, Handsome Ransom was born, red hair and all! Man, he was a chunk of wonderfulness wrapped in rolls and dimples. And, in spite of my hopes to escape hormonal hell unscathed, I knew I was in the pit again. Clark and I had prayed and decided that if I did indeed struggle with post-partum depression, we would take that as an indicator that our family would not need to be extended biologically and adoption might be for us. 

   Three years ago, I went to MOPs convention and was inundated with adoption... orphans...fostering...loving those who have no family... I prayed that if the Lord wanted us to adopt, that when we got home from convention Clark would be the one to bring up the topic. I waited. Months passed. Nothing. And then one day, he asked where the most need was. And then another day he asked what agency I thought we should work with. And then in December of that year, he said, "We need to get on this. We need to remove any and all barriers that would prevent us from being available to receive a child if that's what the Lord calls us to." 

   Almost two years ago, we moved. And things were put on hold. 

   And then one year ago, God said, "No, really, get on it." And then two months ago, the Lord lit a fire under us as we looked at a 50% chance of us having a baby in two weeks. Our certification was expedited, all our home studies completed, paperwork that shouldn't have been possible fell into place, and we were suddenly waiting to receive an infant. Clark was ready and excited, and he was helping me to get excited. But then the birthmom didn't choose us. 

    Three weeks ago, I received a call from our social worker. She asked how we were doing and if we were still ready for a baby. I laughed and said, "The bed is waiting! We just need a birthmom!" Then she said, "I'm working with a birthmom, and she chose you." 

    We met our birthmom last Saturday. I would like to adopt her, too, if I could! She is lovely, precious, and sweet, and she has made the brave and selfless choice to give her baby life and a kind of security and stability she feels she could not give. We get to meet with her again this Saturday just to get to know one another a little better. 

    Sometime around February 13th, my son will be born. It is surreal and exciting and heartbreaking all in the same instant. We are learning how to do a dance of mourning the mother's loss and celebrating his precious life. 

    The journey has been long in years and great in preparation. Clark and I are thankful for your encouragement and prayers as we look forward to welcoming our son next month!