How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

    Good afternoon from the once again snow-covered hills of Buda.
    As most of my friends and family know, I really like for people to be happy, especially in relation to me. It is very important that I always do the right thing, whatever that may be, and I struggle with wanting to somehow ensure everyone else's satisfaction with my performance in life. This is not always possible, nor should it be our focus in life. Below are some helpful tips on how to overcome the issue of people pleasing.

1.)Move to a foreign country.

     I don't speak the language. You don't speak English. You want to read my gas meter, but I
    don't know where it is.
    There was a sign on the road back there that looks like I'm approaching a railroad crossing, but   
    now someone is yelling at me in Hungarian and motioning with their hands that they want me to
    move my car...
    I'm sorry I am going slow, but I am deathly afraid of being pulled over by the police here.

    See Hungarian driving laws here.

Could you please pour my latte into a disposable paper cup? Because I forgot that the standard is a real, latte glass, and you expect me to sit and read while I enjoy my coffee. In America, the standard is "to-go".  I'm not saying that's right, but I am feeling guilty about making you, Mr. Barista, change my coffee into a paper cup.

I forgot to label my produce with the SKU, so now you, un-smiling-grocery-checker-lady, can either wait while I go weigh my bananas, or you can put them back later.

2.) Have Three Children.
I think, instead, that should just read, "Have children." Just TRY to keep everyone else in the world happy while you pinch your misbehaving two year old. Somebody won't like the misbehavior, but somebody won't like the discipline. Good luck.

No matter how much I try, those little people are bound to sin at some point today, and I feel like if they mess up or bother someone or breathe, I will receive "the look" from some perfect person at some point in my day implying that surely I could do better. Nope. I am leaning hard on Jesus, I'm already tired tomorrow, and the doctor said I should run instead of take prozac (Hahaha. She's got a sense of humor, that one does.). If you want to enter my circus, these monkeys will become your monkeys.


3.)Hire a house cleaner.
    Y'all. Okay, so this is an area where I'm still a work in progress. The non-people pleaser
    Katelyn would be like, "Hello! Here's my house. Thank you so much!"
    I am so worried about how my mess will reflect on me that I literally just lied to the new house
   cleaner. "I'm so sorry about how messy the house is. I've been sick for, like, two weeks."
 
   If you add the word "like", it can be hyperbole, right? It felt like I was sick for two weeks, but it   
   was one..., and it was a month ago.  Really I was just trying to throw my husband and kids under
   the bus for the messy state of my house. WE ARE ALL TO BLAME! And why am I apologizing
   for my messy house and all the work they will have to do? Why am I seeking their approval? I have
   just guaranteed them job security. In fact, one pulled me aside a few minutes ago and said very
   kindly, "If you call my number, I can come more often." Sounds like a win for all of us!


   So there you have it, friends, my tips for how to stop being a people pleaser. Let me know how these tips work for you and if you have any other tips and tricks you would like to add.

BIG HUGS FROM BUDAPEST!

Foreign Exchanges

   Sziastok! (*Howdy, y'all!)

    January somehow disappeared, and I've been told we are already to the 3rd day of February! Between sick kids and then succumbing to "The Budapest Plague" myself (a really bad cold... possibly the flu), the last few weeks have left me feeling disconnected from "normal" life. Strangely, I draw comfort from knowing that Texans are dealing with the flu, too... like it's not an issue isolated to my current setting. That probably sounds terrible, like, "Yay! Y'all are sick, too!" I guess a common problem just makes the distance not feel so great. 

   Something I absolutely love about our time here is all the amazing people from all around the world that I get to do life with. We live in Hungary, so obviously there are many Hungarians with whom we interact on a regular basis, but the diversity within my social circles makes my heart happy. I regularly enjoy coffee with women from The Netherlands, Romania or Canada. A hug from my friend from India is a welcome greeting in the middle of the week. Last week Clark and I ate haggis and danced to Scottish folk songs at the Burns Supper with our Scottish friend. "Hello, mate!" from a New Zealand-er always makes me smile. Waving at my English friend when it looks like no one is in the driver's seat of her car is a bit unnerving, but then I remember her car is from the UK. In my short time in Hungary, I have made acquaintances with people from every corner of the world, and in getting to know them and a small bit about their culture, my life has been so enriched. 

    Being that we non-Hungarians are all in a land foreign to us, we have arrived on fairly neutral territory. There are perhaps European similarities from country to country that might afford one expat a slight advantage over another, but in general, we are all here representing our unique cultures, not trying to assimilate or blend in with the Hungarians, just trying to live well among many people different from us. And the varied struggles to maintain our individual, cultural norms somehow unite us. 

 

  Another blog for anther day would be about how different Texans are from the rest of the United States... 

  Sending Texas-sized hugs from Budapest!

   

Things we Take for Granted in the States...

   It is important to me that my blog present you with an honest look at our adventures. Yesterday, I sincerely meant everything I said about how amazingly well we are doing. However, there are still hard moments... hard days... and the longing for comforts of what I know. A friend and I were messaging one another about the therapeutic benefits of cookie dough, and while I made a really good batch last week, I had to make my own brown sugar and I didn't have my Kitchenaid mixer.
   Perspective is a crucial part of our experience here. Clark and I know we are where God has us for a purpose, and the things that seem hard are usually fairly small in the big scheme of things. I did begin thinking up a list of things we take for granted, Americans especially.


Drying clothes in an American clothes dryer
    Our dryer does not have a vent to the outside. It spins the water out of the clothes and into a reservoir that you have to empty after each load. There are two lint filters which also require emptying after each load. Each small load requires at least 2 hours to dry, usually 4, though. We will be getting a clothes line soon.

Street signs with the names of streets
    The names of streets are written on the corner of the last building of the street. If you are walking, this is fine, but  when you are driving, this makes things a little tricky. Apparently Google Maps and other navigation helps are aware of this, because they don't even bother to tell you the names of streets on which to turn. They say silly things like, "Sharp left in 200 meters" or "Slight right in 1.7 km".

Good coffee
   I've heard people brag about Turkish coffee. We have yet to find some that does not taste like shoe leather.

Not sweet cereal
   Apparently the Hungarian people like to start their day with dessert. I am a huge fan of their pastries, particularly the sour cherry pies or alma lavalas (apple turnovers), but we are all craving some plain Cheerios.

Computers that come with Windows OS.
    That was fun. Especially since it was in Hungarian.

Accessibility to Over-the-Counter Medication
   All medications must be purchased at pharmacies, prescription or not, and not all "over-the-counter" medications are available without a prescription.

Free public restrooms
    Better keep some coins in your pocket!

Central Air Conditioning or Air Conditioned Public Spaces
    Sometimes stores have air at the front when you first walk in, but as you continue shopping toward the back of the store, you notice the air is a little warmer... and heavier... Our house has AC in the family room and in each of the bedrooms. Each one has a remote control and the ability to set the temperature and the fan speed, but if it is on, it is always on and blowing air. There is no such thing as reaching a comfortable temperature. People think we are crazy for even running our AC. Ever.


   Every now and then I may sneak in a few more things, kind of like Jimmy Fallon's "Thank You Letters", but for now, I'm going to go restart the dryer and then play with my kids.

Much Love,
Katelyn


  

One Month in Budapest!

   Szia from the "Pearl of the Danube"!

   Please forgive us for the radio-silence this past month, but we have enjoyed the time to settle in and explore our new homeland.

   Budapest is an absolutely beautiful city. It has history and architecture as well as glorious views. The current temperature is 65 degrees F, and as I sit and type, my view is of the pear tree in my yard and past that the beautiful Buda hills. Clark and I have to regularly remind ourselves we get to live here, that we aren't just on vacation for a few weeks. It is completely surreal.
 

   Overall, we are all doing remarkably well. The kids adjusted quickly to the time difference, and they are loving the relaxed pace of life in Europe. Clark is doing well at his new job, learning the language quickly and serving as our tour guide for parts of the city. I am enjoying figuring out cooking and daily life in an unfamiliar place, made better by the gorgeous scenery and climate. We all think our two year assignment may go by too quickly.

   We began our adventure in an apartment in the bustling heart of Pest. This was an interesting way to be thrust into European culture, but as Clark and I have always been attracted to life in the city, we enjoyed our time there. We walked everywhere, ate at fun restaurants, and played in city parks. Our apartment was directly on top of restaurants and karaoke bars, and though it put a damper on our open windows at night, it was fun to hear the lively music and laughter in the evenings.

   From there we moved into our house in the woods, still in Budapest, but now on the Buda side of the Danube River. Pest is known to be flat as a pancake and very metropolitan while Buda is hilly and more peaceful. Our house is on what was once a massive estate, set back about 60 meters from the peaceful road which faces woods and a nature preserve. Our pants are fitting a little loser as our house has three stories-- garage/basement, "ground floor", and "1st floor". We have a great view of the hills from our den, and the tram is about an 8 minute walk from our gate. Clark did a FABULOUS job finding us this house.

   Things that have been tricky mostly revolve around the language and our expectation that things be done quickly. In regard to the language, many younger people know some English, but many things are still lost in translation. I have not met an English speaker at the grocery store yet, and they usually assume I speak Hungarian, so I do a lot of nodding and smiling. Most older women come up and touch Titus's thighs, and say something with a smile on their face. I hope they are saying something like "Wow, he sure is sturdy," or something like that. Regarding timely expectations, we joke that when a person from Hungary tells you something will take 5 minutes, they really mean 30. Everything takes a liiiiitttlllle biiiitttt looooonnnger here. If you plan to quickly drop off some paperwork at the school, think again. You will be invited in to sit and have a glass of viz (water) and chat about random things for at least an hour. I have come to realize that culturally, Americans are a very hurried people, and in our rush to get things done, we have lost much of our hospitality. The Hungarians I have met are incredibly hospitable, and they regularly put people before tasks.

   I look forward to posting more and giving you all a glimpse into our lives in Budapest! We have room for guests, so come visit!

Much Love,
Katelyn, Clark, Emma, Ransom, and Titus
 

Hungary, Hungary Fertittas!

   Hello, all!

   In case you have not heard, our family of five is moving to Budapest, Hungary. Clark received an expat assignment from ExxonMobil, and we are excited to join him in this adventure. Clark has been in Budapest for 20 days (!) on his own, and the kids and I are eager to be with him, whether that be in Texas or Hungary! This post will just be a list of the important points to catch everyone up to date. Future posts will be about our excursions and experiences in a foreign country! Y'all come visit!


 

• The judge granted our petition to finalize Titus's adoption early! He will officially be Titus Frederick Fertitta THIS FRIDAY, July 1st, 2016! Expect your Facebook newsfeed to be blown up with cuteness.
  
• Our house sold after 4 days on the market! Hooray!
  
• The movers come tomorrow. TOMORROW. In the morning they will begin packing (read wrapping plastic Barbie accessories in 20 sheets of heavy brown paper) and sorting our shipments. We get suitcases plus carry-ons for each of us, 70 cubic feet of air shipment to arrive 3-4 weeks after it's sent, and 2 containers shipped by sea to arrive about 2 months after departure. We also get climate controlled storage for all of our American items which won't be of much use to us in Hungary.
  
• Clark found us a house! We will be leasing an unfurnished house in Budapest. It is about as big as our current house, so we will buy a few pieces of furniture when we get there to have some things until our sea shipment arrives.
  

  

  The view out my kitchen window

  
  
  
  

  

  Our street sign

  
  
  
  
  
• We fly out July 12th. Clark will be with me and the kids, and we fly at night, so hopefully it will be a peaceful flight to our new home. 

• We would love visitors! We plan to do a lot of traveling around Europe while we are there, but our house has a room just for guests, so if you would like to use us as lodging, come on! I'll cook for you!
  
  
  
  
  We love you, and we thank you for your prayers and encouragement as we begin this exciting adventure!
  
  *All photo credit goes to my amazing husband.