I have been working on my prayer life lately.
In the mornings when I get up, I have my Bible study/quiet time before waking the kids. I was thinking the other day how strange it is that I expect the Lord to speak to me through scripture, but I rarely seek His voice in prayer. If we teach our children that prayer is a conversation between us and God, shouldn't He and I talk more? And, really, shouldn't I listen? Often times my Bible study becomes an inductive book study rather than my heart yearning to hear from my Savior. So, on the days where my mind won't focus on the words I'm trying to read, I gently shut my Bible, get on my knees, and talk to Jesus. And sometimes, I actually don't talk, but I listen.
To all you non-parents, this paragraph may be a bit TMI. Ransom has been having accidents in the night. We went a solid week in boxer-briefs and whitey-tighties with no problem, and then Monday happened. It's now Thursday, and I have my bed-stripping routine down to 12 minutes total time. That's from the moment he comes and gets me to the moment my head hits the pillow and everything in-between. Last night as I was groggily walking back down the stairs, I remembered my thought on prayer when my kids were tiny babies. Sometimes the only prayers we can utter go something like, "Help, and thank You." Help, because we don't know what we need, but we need something, or we know what we want but we don't know how to get there. We need the baby to stop crying and let us sleep, we need (or want) our big boy to sleep through the night without wetting the bed, we want our daughter to be brave when facing another day at school. But sometimes all we can think is, "Help."
For whatever reason, my "Help" prayers are almost always followed by "Thank You." I'm not sure if it's because I'm well-enough acquainted with the Lord to know how He operates, and that He will come through in His perfect time, or that the Spirit has given me a heart that longs to trust my Heavenly Father, but I know it will work out, so I thank Him. I know deep in the recesses of my soul that He is good, He is all-knowing, and He is trustworthy, even if the baby keeps crying and I get 2 hours of sleep. My God never changed. He was there the whole time, and He will somehow get me through the next day. In hindsight, knowing how quickly the most physically draining years fly by, maybe it was the Spirit interceding for me with the thank you- thank You, that for a short time, I can hold and rock and comfort these tiny treasures. Thank You that You have the unknown mapped out and that you will help me get there. Thank You for the things I am yet to be thankful.