How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

    Good afternoon from the once again snow-covered hills of Buda.
    As most of my friends and family know, I really like for people to be happy, especially in relation to me. It is very important that I always do the right thing, whatever that may be, and I struggle with wanting to somehow ensure everyone else's satisfaction with my performance in life. This is not always possible, nor should it be our focus in life. Below are some helpful tips on how to overcome the issue of people pleasing.

1.)Move to a foreign country.

     I don't speak the language. You don't speak English. You want to read my gas meter, but I
    don't know where it is.
    There was a sign on the road back there that looks like I'm approaching a railroad crossing, but   
    now someone is yelling at me in Hungarian and motioning with their hands that they want me to
    move my car...
    I'm sorry I am going slow, but I am deathly afraid of being pulled over by the police here.

    See Hungarian driving laws here.

Could you please pour my latte into a disposable paper cup? Because I forgot that the standard is a real, latte glass, and you expect me to sit and read while I enjoy my coffee. In America, the standard is "to-go".  I'm not saying that's right, but I am feeling guilty about making you, Mr. Barista, change my coffee into a paper cup.

I forgot to label my produce with the SKU, so now you, un-smiling-grocery-checker-lady, can either wait while I go weigh my bananas, or you can put them back later.

2.) Have Three Children.
I think, instead, that should just read, "Have children." Just TRY to keep everyone else in the world happy while you pinch your misbehaving two year old. Somebody won't like the misbehavior, but somebody won't like the discipline. Good luck.

No matter how much I try, those little people are bound to sin at some point today, and I feel like if they mess up or bother someone or breathe, I will receive "the look" from some perfect person at some point in my day implying that surely I could do better. Nope. I am leaning hard on Jesus, I'm already tired tomorrow, and the doctor said I should run instead of take prozac (Hahaha. She's got a sense of humor, that one does.). If you want to enter my circus, these monkeys will become your monkeys.


3.)Hire a house cleaner.
    Y'all. Okay, so this is an area where I'm still a work in progress. The non-people pleaser
    Katelyn would be like, "Hello! Here's my house. Thank you so much!"
    I am so worried about how my mess will reflect on me that I literally just lied to the new house
   cleaner. "I'm so sorry about how messy the house is. I've been sick for, like, two weeks."
 
   If you add the word "like", it can be hyperbole, right? It felt like I was sick for two weeks, but it   
   was one..., and it was a month ago.  Really I was just trying to throw my husband and kids under
   the bus for the messy state of my house. WE ARE ALL TO BLAME! And why am I apologizing
   for my messy house and all the work they will have to do? Why am I seeking their approval? I have
   just guaranteed them job security. In fact, one pulled me aside a few minutes ago and said very
   kindly, "If you call my number, I can come more often." Sounds like a win for all of us!


   So there you have it, friends, my tips for how to stop being a people pleaser. Let me know how these tips work for you and if you have any other tips and tricks you would like to add.

BIG HUGS FROM BUDAPEST!

Foreign Exchanges

   Sziastok! (*Howdy, y'all!)

    January somehow disappeared, and I've been told we are already to the 3rd day of February! Between sick kids and then succumbing to "The Budapest Plague" myself (a really bad cold... possibly the flu), the last few weeks have left me feeling disconnected from "normal" life. Strangely, I draw comfort from knowing that Texans are dealing with the flu, too... like it's not an issue isolated to my current setting. That probably sounds terrible, like, "Yay! Y'all are sick, too!" I guess a common problem just makes the distance not feel so great. 

   Something I absolutely love about our time here is all the amazing people from all around the world that I get to do life with. We live in Hungary, so obviously there are many Hungarians with whom we interact on a regular basis, but the diversity within my social circles makes my heart happy. I regularly enjoy coffee with women from The Netherlands, Romania or Canada. A hug from my friend from India is a welcome greeting in the middle of the week. Last week Clark and I ate haggis and danced to Scottish folk songs at the Burns Supper with our Scottish friend. "Hello, mate!" from a New Zealand-er always makes me smile. Waving at my English friend when it looks like no one is in the driver's seat of her car is a bit unnerving, but then I remember her car is from the UK. In my short time in Hungary, I have made acquaintances with people from every corner of the world, and in getting to know them and a small bit about their culture, my life has been so enriched. 

    Being that we non-Hungarians are all in a land foreign to us, we have arrived on fairly neutral territory. There are perhaps European similarities from country to country that might afford one expat a slight advantage over another, but in general, we are all here representing our unique cultures, not trying to assimilate or blend in with the Hungarians, just trying to live well among many people different from us. And the varied struggles to maintain our individual, cultural norms somehow unite us. 

 

  Another blog for anther day would be about how different Texans are from the rest of the United States... 

  Sending Texas-sized hugs from Budapest!

   

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Romans 12:15

   I regularly take "breaks" from blogging. Usually the time between posts is consumed with living: momming three of my favorite humans, exploring our temporary home in Budapest, grocery shopping in Hungarian, and drinking more coffee than ever before. I try to balance being with the ones who are here and sharing our experiences with friends and family, but if I'm going to fall behind on one of those tasks, I think it should be the latter.
    This time, the break from blogging was different. I literally had dozens of posts swirling in my brain, just waiting to be shared, but this time, I couldn't. The "new post" button at the top of my page could not be pushed. Or would not.
    Because I had Hurricane Harvey survivor guilt, and I refused to go on sharing joyful living while my friends and family were in the midst of a mess.
 
    Can you even be called a survivor if you are not present to survive a storm? I'm not sure. Though we were not physically there, I know of few other times that my heart has been so far away from my present location. Clark and I truly felt we had a better understanding of the idea of "mourning with those who mourn", but mourn was all it felt like we could do. I could not open up my home to make guest beds and pallets for those whose homes were not dry. I could not cook warm meals for the masses. I could not even send needed supplies due to inaccessible roads. I could watch, hear stories, and hurt deeply.

    Hurricane Harvey hit shortly after we returned from a vacation to Norway. I had a million pictures to post and planned captions to share, blogs planned about vacationing to Bergen with children, but my Grandma Jane's birthday party got cancelled. And school start dates got pushed back. And then my friends had water in their houses.

   My children began school, and routine life went on for us, which all felt very wrong. Emma would hear her classmates discussing the storm, and she would listen as they discussed the devastation to our home. I told her often that though our friends and family were effected by the storm, they were safe, and they were working to get things back to normal. A few weeks into school, I passed by Emma's class to say hi before she headed to Girl Scouts. She was having an argument of sorts with her teacher, and she was actually being, in my opinion, rather disrespectful. The teacher saw me, and, looking as confused as I felt, he asked if I could please talk to Emma about the project they were working on. She had basically refused to do it. The assignment was to interview a family member about their culture. I couldn't understand why she was being obstinate about something like that.  I looked into her eyes and saw she was about to cry, so she and I headed to the parking lot to chat in private. When we got in the car, she fell apart. When she could calm down enough to verbalize her feelings, she said, "But Momma, interviewing over the phone is not the same. I miss them so much."
    Harvey hit us in a different way than it hit Southeast Texas. Harvey hit with a gust of  homesickness and grief that neither Emma nor I had felt in our 14 months abroad. Hurricane Harvey brought me to the realization that I need to share my hurts with my daughter so that she doesn't think she has to be tough all the time. It also reminded me to bloom where God has planted me. For whatever reason, God thought it best that Clark and I were here, a million miles away, during hurricane season 2017. Who here needs a hot meal? Who here  needs a helping hand? Who here just needs a friend? Because I have been prepared and trained, and I am here.

    After my cry with Emma, I also realized I need to be thankful for the joys that we are getting to experience here. I never want to belittle my friends' hurt or struggles, and I don't want to pretend that we are unaffected by the goings on where you are, but I need to see our blessings as blessings, not curses. Though I may never go back and post pictures from our trip to Norway, I think I need to press the "New Post" button more often.

   If you know of people who are still in need of help in their Hurricane Harvey recovery efforts, please let me know. There are a bunch of expats over here who have not forgotten them and who want to help.

You are loved.